Most people tell themselves, “The grass isn’t any greener,” believe they’re too old to find love again and imagine nightmarish online dating scenarios.
Less so today, some cultures still stigmatize divorce. Despite the abundance of reasons, many of which are realistic, there are deeper, unconscious ones that keep people trapped – usually fears of separation and loneliness that they want to avoid.
Do you feel trapped in a relationship you can’t leave? People give many explanations for staying, ranging from caring for young children to caring for a sick mate.
Millions of people remain in unhappy relationships that range from empty to abusive for many reasons; however, the feeling of suffocation or of having no choices stems from fear that’s often unconscious.
Yet, they’ve never completed the developmental milestone of “leaving home” psychologically, meaning becoming an autonomous adult.
The combined effect of this adds to fears of loneliness and isolation people that they envisage being on their own.Going through divorce or separation brings with it all of the unfinished work of becoming an independent “adult.” Fears about leaving their spouse and children may be reiterations of the fears and guilt that they would have had upon separating from their parents, which were avoided by quickly getting into a relationship or marriage.Guilt about leaving a spouse may be due to the fact that their parents didn’t appropriately encourage emotional separation.One man was too afraid and guilt-ridden to leave his ill wife (11 years his senior).His ambivalence made him so distressed, he died before she did!